Discouraged

So April is fast approaching and I'm feeling extremely discouraged. I feel like I have been working my ass off and the ass just isn't falling off! Tuesday I was slightly excited because I had lost another 3 pounds. Today I get on the scale and I have gained 2 pounds! WTF!!! By the time I got to my appointment with my nutritionist this afternoon I was already in a low mood and then I got on her scale and had only lost 3 ounces from the previous week. :'( I burst into tears. Yeah, I have lost 15 pounds but it's just not enough. The doctor won't even touch me until my BMI is below 30 and according to the scale this afternoon I still have 18 pounds to go before I can get my BMI to 29.8.

I am completely discusted by food right now but I can't not eat because that isn't going to help me out either. I feel a million emotions at once. I feel frustrated, disappointed, pissed off, flat out angry/ outraged, sad and just overall depressed. Coming home from the base, I couldn't stop crying. In fact, I'm still crying as I type this, so please forgive me for any type-o's. I just don't know what else to do. As if I don't struggle with enough in my life between living overseas and being infertile, now I have to lose this weight that my body just doens't want to let go of. It feels like all odds are against me and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.

Everyone keeps telling me to focus on the weight I've already lost but what is the point in that? It isn't going to magically make the additional 18 pounds go away. I'm trying really hard to stay positive but how can I when it's just one trip-up after another? I feel like I'm constantly taking 2 steps forward and then getting knocked 3 steps back.  Maybe some day things will change and I can have a different outlook on everything but right now I just feel like sobbing.