Finding Solace

About 2 weeks ago, my friend invited me over to her little get-together she was throwing to announce the sex of her baby..... When she first told me she was pregnant, I had already been expecting it. I just had this feeling that someone close to me was pregnant and all signs were pointing to her. When she told me, I was so excited for her but behind that excitement was a gut-renching pain that made me want to burst into tears immediately. Luckily, I was able to hold those tears in until I made it home. The second I got inside the house and locked the door I collapsed onto the floor sobbing almost as hard as the day I had my breakdown back in March 2011. I don't think it was just the "I can't get pregnant" running through my head that made me cry so hard. I think it was a mixture of things. John was out of the country at the time so we weren't even able to try at that point, combined with the "I can't get pregnant," combined with me having just flown back to an empty house in a foreign country. It was a lot.

I am happy for her and her husband. M looked so excited when they told me. He was sitting in the backseat with a smile from ear to ear. It's a smile that I know John will have on his face when we finally get a positive pregnancy test. I will admit, it was a little hard to be around her at first but the bigger her bump gets, the more excited I become for her. The night of her sex announcement party, I got really excited. I gave my prediction and turns out I was right! It's a boy! Being that we all live overseas she has 2 options for a baby shower... She can have one here or she can fly back home. I asked her if she was flying home for one and she said no and I instantly stepped up to the plate and volunteered to throw her one. I would have never known that night that volunteering to throw the shower for her would be my solace. Looking at invitations and party decorations over the past 24 hours has been so relaxing and comforting. I'm enjoying every minute of it. Only bad part about this is... I've already planned everything and the shower isn't until mid May. :-/  Oh well, I guess this gives me plenty of time to get everything purchased so it can be shipped and arrive on time.

I'm just glad I have something to smile about right now. :-)