Everything Happens for a Reason

I read a blog yesterday about a woman who believes that everything happens for a reason. I'm sorry, but I can't remember which one it was. She was talking about how she couldn't understand why her miscarriage had happened. Later, she found out that her uncle had cancer and died shortly after. She now believes that her miscarriage had happened bc if it hadn't she wouldn't have been able to be there with her uncle and the rest of her family when he passed.

This post really touched me. Shame on me for being so negative! I have done nothing but whine and complain about John not getting to go on his deployment when in actuality, we will still be able to afford the IVF without him going.... and sooner! If John was still deploying in September, he wouldn't be back until March of next year... now, we will be able to try our first round (and I pray, our only round) at IVF in October! This would make the baby(ies) due in the same month as my grandfather. He is the only summer birthday in the family. Everyone, except one of my cousins, were all born in Spring or Fall. So, this brings me to conclude, that I think I may have found my answer for John's deployment getting pushed back to next year...

Maybe God is telling us that October will be our month. Maybe He is telling us that John is supposed to be here so that our IVF will work. Granted, if this does work, John will miss the birth of our child(ren) BUT he will be there for all of their firsts.... the first time they stand up, the first word they use, the first time they try to walk but fall down, the first step... all of it. And, even though John won't be here for the birth... my parents will be and that is one thing I have always wanted: to have my parents at the hospital when I bring a new life into the world.

To bring up worldly news, as everyone should know, my husband is in the USAF. With all of the budget crap going on, we were getting pretty nervous that our pay would be cut... I say "our" because I also work for the government so that means both of our paychecks would have been cut off. The whole time this was going on, I wasn't thinking about "how are we going to pay the rent? what are we going to do about food if they shut down the commissary? etc. etc" Nope! I was thinking "Oh shit, we are going to lose every penny we just saved for the IVF. The US government is going to cause me to lose my shot at getting pregnant in October. My parents won't be here, I'll be alone... and if I'm not alone, that means John will miss his kid's firsts." Yep... that's me. I didn't stop and think for a second about how was I going to feed myself, instead I was more worried about bringing a child into this world.... What does this say about me exactly? Does that make me selfish?

I don't know and I don't really care to be honest because right now, all I'm thinking about is that John's deployment got pushed back for a reason.... And I pray that it's for the reason that I'm thinking. At least I'm starting to build my hope back up. : )