Still In Shock

Monday I went for my HSG xray. I was in a really down mood that morning. I cried the whole way to the appointment. Luckily, I was able to talk John into going with me. I felt bad for asking him to go since he had just gotten off work at 6:30 that morning but he's a champ and went along. (Thanks Babe!)

We get there, I check in at reception and then go to the waiting area. A nurse comes in and takes us through a door to a different waiting area. At this point, John must stay behind so I may go pee in a cup for yet another pregnancy test that is sure to be a negative. I do my business, change into a hospital gown (and one reason why I love this hospital, they always give everyone a robe to put on over the gown that way you aren't walking around with your hiney showing). I go and sit back down next to John trying my best not to hyperventalate. The nurse comes back and then leads me back to the xray room. They sit me down in a chair and the doctor performing the HSG talks me through the procedure.

"It's much like a papsmear but instead I'm going to stick this little nozzle in (freaking out inside) and inject the dye that we should be able to see on the screen. Once the dye comes out through the other end of the tubes there will be some pain so be prepared." This is when I stop him by saying, "We won't get to that part but thanks for the warning." I had a smile on my face to make sure I didn't sound too bitchy. **Side note: I apologize if the quote above was too much information for some of you, but I like to make sure that anyone who hasn't gone through this yet and has to, is fully informed.**

I get on the table and we get to it. As I'm laying there and watching the screen and tearing up because I just know that the dye is going to do nothing but spread out and not go to where I want it to go. All of a sudden I feel a sharp pain and then almost immediately after the first one, another one. I'm constantly having unusual sharp pains throughout my body so I thought nothing of it, however, the jerking motion I unwillingly gave was noticable by everyone in the room. The two nurses both came rushing over, one rubbing my arm and the other wiped a tear from my cheek (the tear wasn't from the pain but rather the crying from lack of hope). All of sudden, the doctor looks over at me, smiles and said, "you felt that, huh?" I said year and then he said "That was the dye coming out of the other end of your tube." Wait! What?!? But it couldn't be. Liar! That's not funny! Take it back! Fighting the knot in my throat, I'm speechless. He then asks, "Did you see it?" Ummm NO! "Want me to back it up?" "Yes!!!" Sure enough, he backed up all of the pictures to the beginning and walked me through them pointing out everything. There was no more "tearing up" at this point. I was bawling like a blubbering baby. "Thank you God! Thank you so much! Thank you Jesus! Thank you! Thank you!!!!" I think all my crying made an impression on the nurses because the one who escorted me back to the changing room was a little teary eyed.

After getting changed, I walked back over to the waiting area where John was fast asleep in a chair. : ( Poor guy. I gently woke him up and while he was grabbing his things and handing me my purse, I was bouncing around like a boxer in the ring. He rubbed his eyes and asked what I was bouncing for. "They're open." "What?" "They're open, both of my tubes are open." "Are you sure?" "Yeah the doctor showed me all the pictures and told me exactly what to look at." A smile curved his lips. We walked out of the hospital, holding hands with two giant smiles on our face.

At this point, we wanted to make absolutely certain before telling anyone so we decided not to say anything about it until after our appointment with Dr. S on Wednesday. We went in, she closed the door behind us and asked "So what did you think about that great news?" OMG It's real!!!!! My tubes are open!!!!! Yay!!!! Here we've been thinking since February 25th that we were going to have to spend $4100+ on IVF. John has been working a lot so we could save up the money for it. Now, we aren't completely out of the clear. There is still a chance that we might end up having to do it anyway. But, for now we have many other options. : )

Luckily, this doctor, unlike my American one, is willing to put me back on Clomid as long as my BMI stays under 35, although she would prefer it to be under 30. Well that's awesome because my BMI is well below 35 and I'm working on getting it under 30.

So here are our next steps:

I have to take a pregnancy test, if negative I take Provera for 5 days to induce my cycle.

On days 2-6 of my cycle I must take Clomid once a day to induce ovulation.

On day 12 of my cycle, I start my ovulation kits to find out when I ovulate. On this day, I also have to go in for a scan to see how many follicles developed and if they are big enough. (If there are too many and they are the right size, we could turn the cycle into IVF due to the high risk of multiple pregnancy. If this occurs then my next round of Clomid will include a certain injectable hormone to prevent so many follicles from developing.) (If they aren't big enough then I will have to have an injectable hormone as well). If all is well, we continue with the cycle and have "timed intercourse" meaning when I have a spike on the ovulation kits saying I'm ovulating, John goes to work. LOL! Sorry, I didn't know how else to phrase this. I'm just as embarrassed writing about it, I'm sure.

7 days after the spike, I go in for blood testing.

On day 35 of my cycle, if I haven't started a new cycle, I take a pregnancy test. If positive, wahoo! we succeeded. If negative, I take Provera again and we start again.

We will do this for 3 cycles. If it doesn't work, then we move onto Clomid with IUI. If that doesn't work after 3 cycles, they will change my medication and do the new one with IUI for 3 cycles. If those fail (God forbidding) then we go back to IVF.

I know it's a long shot and I'm trying really really hard not to get my hopes up. But I am praying that this works before I go back home in June. I would really love to be able to tell my family I'm pregnant while I'm home so I can tell them in person. I know that the risk of miscarriage would still be there but after this long struggle, it would mean so much to me to be able to tell them and see their facial reaction to the news that has been over 2 years in the making.

Now, here it is Sunday night. A full week after I had this shocking news and part of me still can't believe it's real. Am I really going to be starting Clomid again? I just can't believe it. It makes me wonder if it'll take seeing a positive pregnancy test to make me snap out of it and be like "They really are open!"